Be Kind to yourself
In our lives we have many experiences, some good and some not so good. We as humans are more inclined to hold on to the negative experiences. Why? Because we seem to hold on to hurt more than joy.
Hurt can be like being bitten by a snake, the pain at first is sharp and painful then the venom is all consuming until the pain is too much to bare. Do we need to wait until the venom is too much to bare? Or can we take control before it consumes every part of our body?
Do you feel that you are not good enough, low, depressed, anxious, feeling like the world would be a better place without you? If you said yes to this then you are truly wrong. Your life is important the negative experiences do not have to continue to have a hold over you if you don’t want them to.
Why let the people and situations still control over how you feel, the negative seed that has grown from all the put downs, bullying, negative relationships, has grown over time. In my life I have always had the opinion of what goes in must come out, so when I look at negative experiences I use this ethos to.
Finding your joy
So be kind to yourself, don’t continue with the pain and hurt that someone else has bestowed on you. Practice being kind to yourself and don’t be hard on yourself. You are a worthy person and underneath the pain, hurt and negative experiences is a positive person with a creative soul.
So, from today make a contract with yourself, Start with “from today I will… and I will enjoy every day by… because my life is important because… I am a good human being”.
We often show acts of kindness to others, but when it comes to our self we can feel awkward, embarrassed, feel unworthy etc.
So I say to you, you are important, you are worthwhile, you are loveable, be gentle, be sensitive to yourself, and most of all be kind to yourself.
How to start to find your joy and erase the negative pain and hurt
First, get some paper and a pen and write that today is the start of the rest of your life. Write down all the things you like in your life, and write why you like them. Then I would like you to write a list of things you can do to be kind to yourself.
For those who struggle to think of anything nice here is some help
Write every morning, I will say today is going to be a good day, when you say this mean it.
Today I will look in the mirror and say “I love me” this may feel weird at the beginning but over time it will feel more real and believable.
Writing lists of your best qualities, I know for some of you, you may say “I don’t have any”. I am afraid that is a distortion of the truth and is a result of the negative thinking e.g. the seed that I had spoken about in a previous paragraph.
So, if you still struggle think about what other people say and think about you, e.g. parents, friends, children, work colleagues etc. write them down and let them sink in.
Do you know how negativity is programmed in to you? Our brain is like a super computer that takes everything in. Unfortunately even the negative words and experiences get taken in, usually through repetition.
If you think about it we learn through repetition, the negativity we have is usually programmed into us through repetition too. So, how can we put joy in to ourselves? Yes, you got it… through repetition.
Just think about it like today I am going to start to reprogram my super computer (my brain). Remember my saying which is what goes in must come out…
Okay, so here is a list of things that you may find useful.
Write a gratitude list
Contact people you may have lost touch with.
Write what you want in life
Tell yourself it is okay to make mistakes as I am only human.
Write I am a good mother, or father, or husband, or wife, or sister, brother or friend.
Do something nice for yourself.
Go for a walk.
Start a new hobby.
Have bubble baths.
De clutter your wardrobe (this can feel like a declutter of your life)
Write some days I may not do so good, but that is okay as tomorrow is another day.
Do an online course, this may give you a sense of accomplishment.
Use the internet to find positive affirmations and write them down or print them off. If you do not have a computer etc go to the library you can do this there.
Write a positive (compassionate letter) to yourself and when you feel a little low read it.
Listen to uplifting music and films, remember every time you laugh or smile it releases those feel good hormones.
Write down what your triggers are that make you feel low, and think about where the feelings start in your body. As soon as you know where the negative feelings start, do something on your list.
My message to you.
I hope you can take something from this blog. Remember the main point of this blog is to be kind to yourself, learn to understand that your feelings are a result of someone else or a negative experience.
You do not need to keep these your entire life, they were imprinted in you through repetition and can be reduced or erased by being more positive, using positive strategies to reprint through repetition. Let the pain and hurt go, they serve no purpose only to keep you imprisoned in a world of sadness and fear. Be kind and change your mindset so that you can have the life you want.