Narcissism (consumed with self)
In Greek mythology, Narcissus was most beautiful, that men and women would love him, Echo was a most beautiful woman who fell in love with Narcissus but he rejected her because he was consumed with himself. He had no love for anyone else. Echo, with the rejection went in to the wilderness and become little more than an echo as she withered away. Many people had tried to get the love of Narcissus, but as always he rejected them. Until one day, he leant down and drank from a pool as he gazed at the water he saw his own reflection. Upon seeing his own reflection he fell in love with himself. However, this love could not be reciprocated as it was a mere reflection this lead to the death of Narcissus.
How does this translate in today’s world…
When someone has a narcissistic disorder, they too are consumed with self, the need positive regard of others to an excessive extent. If you imaging a cup being full (meaning being happy) theirs is never full, no matter how much love, attention you give them they still are not fulfilled and yearn for more. Usually at the cost of others.
If you are in a relationship with them, the relationship may not be fulfilling, you would appear to try hard to make the person who is narcissistic to feel happy. No matter how you try it will never be enough, you may become exhausted, feel rejected and in turn it may make you feel unloved and insignificant.
For the person who is a narcissistic, beneath their confidence is a vulnerable, unstable person who has many fears and feels worthless. However, once they have their mask on they become all consuming, you may feel like you cannot do anything right or feel a failure because you cannot make them happy.
However, my question to you is… “is it your job to make someone happy?” my thought on this are that you can only become happy if you want too. So what I am saying is that no matter what you do or how hard you try, you cannot make any change for a narcissistic person. As I have previously said you will become exhausted, feel rejected, lose self-worth and feel almost invisible in the relationship much like Echo in Greek mythology. Even though you can never fully get their love, this will not stop you from trying.
A narcissistic, will feel powerful, use others to get what they want, not be empathic to others needs, they are the centre of their world. To others they may seem arrogant, like to be centre of attention. Feel that they are the best and deserve the best. A narcissistic person will look down on people and see themselves as being better.
A person who is narcissistic will struggle to take criticism, may hold a grudge and not let things go. They may belittle others in order to make them feel more elevated. A narcosis, may appear depressed if they don’t feel that they are perfect. They may struggle to regulate their feelings, stress and struggle with new situations or change.
If you have a partner who is showing traits of narcissism, it is important that they get the support they need by going seeing their GP, however this can be difficult as the person who has narcissistic traits may not want to own up to or see that they have this.
So where does this leave the partner? I guess it is learning to remember that when ever the person who is narcissistic says or does something, that it is theirs and is no reflection on you as a person. This is easier said than done, due to the person who has traits of narcissism over time makes the partner may feel insignificant, unworthy, unloved and can never do any right. This can lead to the partner too feeling low and have effect on their emotional wellbeing
So if we go back to Greek mythology, the moral of the story is that no matter what you do or say, the narcissistic person will not fully see you or love you as they are incapable of doing this because they are consumed with self. That is, unless they get the help they need.
So if you are in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic or has these traits, then you can expect their behaviour 24/7 so, with this in mind to survive in this type of relationship you will need time out for yourself, take care of your needs so not to get lost in theirs. If you don’t take time out or take care of your needs you may cause difficulties with your own mental health and wellbeing.
Things can help the partner of someone who is narcissistic
As discussed in previous blogs, anything that promotes those happy hormones.
Going for a walk
Going to the gym
Starting a new hobby
Joining a choir
Talking to friends
Getting support yourself from a GP/ Counsellor
Taking care of your appearance / pamper yourself
Keep in touch with family
Remember, unless you take care of yourself no one else will… and you may become like Echo.